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Chapter 4 (continued)
Sexualization (cont.)
Transitional Phase (cont.)
Sexualization of Identificatory Needs
Identity development requires the establishment of an attachment between a boy and the other significant males around him. Through the camaraderie and initiation that occurs in these relationships, the boy is able to take on and internalize the traits of other males resulting in an internal sense of himself as masculine. When this does not occur, the boy is left with a need to connect with other men and find a way into manhood.
Nicolosi speaks of homosexuality as an alienation from males and a subsequent sexualized effort to gain initiation into manhood through another male.14(p42) Bieber and Moberly suggest that the seeking of “virile partners” by homosexuals is an attempt to identify with the masculinity of the partner.17(p314), 3(p9) These concepts suggest that homosexuality may—at least in part—be an effort to find a way into masculinity, to demystify and understand it, or to somehow take on the masculine qualities that they sense they have somehow missed. For example, homosexual men who missed out on doing things with their fathers are often attracted to the “mystique of masculine boldness, strength, and power,”14(p39) traits that were not conveyed to them by interaction with their father.
Lacking attachments to other males, pre-homosexual boys are unable to experience genuine masculinity with its strengths and foibles, which means that their gender role definition does not develop according to reality, but develops according to childish idealized images. Trying to reach that ideal leaves the boy feeling hopelessly inadequate and dissatisfied with himself. At the same time, the distance of detachment allows him to believe that other men match his ideal. When he sees such men, his interest is piqued.14(p72-73)
Nicolosi has referred to this entire process using the term “the projected idealized self.”25 This term is a combination of two psychoanalytic concepts. The first concept is the idealized self, which is “a perfected and lofty characterization of self in the sense of what one would like to become.”12(p679) The second concept is projection, which is “the process by which one’s own traits, emotions, dispositions, etc., are ascribed to another” person.12(p580)
Images of the idealized self develop early in life. Joe Dallas provides insight on how they may be created:
“This image is a combination of people you’ve actually seen who made an impact on you, figures you’ve fantasized about, and bodily representations of concepts of masculinity . . . that appeal to you. That is why certain ‘types’ of people attract us. They remind us of our inner image . . .”4(p132)
Dallas mentions here “bodily representations of concepts of masculinity.” It seems to be a very common behavior among homosexual men to associate certain bodily traits with important traits of masculinity.4(p133) Confidence, strength, stamina, assertiveness, power, and virility can all be linked to physical traits and behaviors.
During the transitional phase it is common for pre-homosexual boys to become very interested in other boys, especially older boys, who have qualities they admire. This interest may begin as a non-sexual infatuation, but develops into a homosexual attraction.14(p70) Sexual contact with another, more ideal male provides the homosexual man with a sense of having obtained those ideal traits from himself.26(p74)
Frank Worthen describes a process whereby the ideal self leads to homosexual desires. It begins when a man compares himself to see if he measures up. He feels that he does not but recognizes others who do. He admires those other men, but the admiration grows into envy and a desire to posses and then to consume the qualities of the other man. At some point, these desires become sexual.27(p4) The sexual bonding experience provides a momentary feeling of possessing those desired traits, of being whole.14(p73) However, the idealized self is usually made up of specific desirable traits that are emphasized while other ordinary traits may be ignored, devalued, or even held in contempt. The resulting ideal man, far from being whole, may actually be quite unrealistic, almost to the point of being a caricature of masculinity.
The homosexual man may sense the emotional needs described above. But his response to these needs is passive. Rather than establishing nurturing attachments wherein he could gain a connection and understanding of manliness and realize a realistic gender role definition he seeks to meet his needs sexually. A description of homosexuality by Carl Jung is appropriate in this regard. Jung described homosexuality as “a repressed, undifferentiated element of masculinity in the man . . . which instead of being developed . . . from the depths of his own psyche, is sought on a biological plane through ‘fusion’ with another man.”28(p76)
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