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Chapter 3 (continued)
Father and Son
As stated above, adult male heterosexuality essentially begins with a boy’s willingness to trust, attach to, and identify with his father, his peers, and/or some other male figures, and use them as role models in developing his own autonomous masculine identity. Conversely, the boy’s unwillingness to engage in such a process is typical of the pathway leading to a homosexual identity.6(p44-46) Nicolosi and Moberly place most of the blame for homosexual development on the relationship between father and son, probably because this is the earliest and most profound same-gender relationship for most boys. Nicolosi states that the most commonly seen pattern of homosexual development results from problems in the relationship between father and son. The failure of this relationship prevents the boy from fully internalizing a masculine identity.7(p25) In her book Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic, Elizabeth Moberly repeatedly makes the point that homosexuals experienced some type of DEFICIT in their relationship with the same-sex parent. This deficit created a drive within them to repair the deficit through homosexual relationships.6(p2) Dallas reminds us to avoid blaming by referring to an “unsatisfactory relationship” between father and son.3(p157)
But whatever it is called, the relationship between pre-homosexual sons and their fathers is problematic with few exceptions. In these relationships boys do not experience or learn how to experience attachment to other males. Therefore, identification—which normally comes out of attachment and to which children are normally inclined—does not occur.6(p48), 3(p101) Instead, negative feelings toward the father grow and become transferred to the qualities that the father represents and then to other men with these same qualities.3(p161, 6(p45) The sections below will describe some of the factors that may cause boys to withdraw trust and attachment from their fathers. Abuse, which is potentially the most damaging factor in a father-son relationship, was described in detail in chapter 2 and will not be included here.
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DEFICIT: a shortage, or lack.